the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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