my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
FUCK WHALES
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
