found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
