btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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