I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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