If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
