I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize