I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
