I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
