So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
