Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
