I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
