Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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