I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
