I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
