you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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