I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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