I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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