You're a womanizer and a bitch.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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