I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
