Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
