Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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