Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
