My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
