Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
