I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
