I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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