when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
