The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
