yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
