I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
