speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
