I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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