wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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