Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
