benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
