John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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