if only i could text you this smell
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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