Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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