it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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