Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
