You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
