i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
