Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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