Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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