What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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