Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
