Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
