listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We are all done wearing pants today
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
