called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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