Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
