That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
