The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
