I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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