between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
