Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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