He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
