You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
