I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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