I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
