just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
