I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When are your genitals available?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
