I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
