Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
