I haven't been this sober since birth.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
