I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
