Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
