This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
