I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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