Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
