forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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