No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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