I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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