Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
