i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
