he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
