Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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