Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
