My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
