I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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