oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
