I got chris browned last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
