Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
