I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
