Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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