just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
