He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize