If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
