I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
