I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
