i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You made out with two different species that night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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