Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
