I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
