he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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