i was born a porn star she said
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
