Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
